The Five Stages of Grief: Understanding Loss Without Rushing Healing

Love, even in loss, is never truly lost. Picture Courtesy : Louis Galvez

Grief is not linear.

It does not move neatly from pain to peace.

It comes in waves, pauses, spirals, and sudden returns.

Grief touches us after any significant loss. The passing of a parent, partner, sibling, friend, colleague, or loved one. Loss after long illness or sudden death. A goodbye we were prepared for, and sometimes even the ones we never imagined.

Nothing prepares us for loss.

When loss feels sudden or too soon, the intensity may be sharper. When loss follows a long illness, grief may feel quieter but no less deep. While circumstances differ, the inner landscape of grief is profoundly human and shared.

This reflection is grounded in the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, whose widely recognised model describes five common patterns of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These are not steps to complete or milestones to achieve. They are ways grief often expresses itself as we learn to live with loss.

This perspective comes from holding emotional space across personal-professional life, healing, and grief contexts, and from witnessing how loss shows up not just in theory, but in real lives, families, workplaces, and quiet private moments.

1. Denial

Is this really happening?

Denial is often the mind’s first response to loss.

It may look like calm, composure, or even efficiency, while inside, reality has not fully landed.

You may:

• Feel numb or strangely steady

• Continue routines on autopilot

• Expect the person to call, walk in, or reply

In real life

After a loss, many people find themselves thinking:

“I still expect them to be here.”

“It does not feel real yet.”

Denial is not refusal or avoidance. It is the nervous system absorbing shock at a pace it can survive.

What can help

• Gentle grounding such as slow breathing or warm light food

• Lowering expectations of yourself

• Allowing truth to arrive gradually, in fragments

2. Anger

Why did this happen?

Anger is a natural and often misunderstood response to loss, especially when it feels unfair, untimely, or senseless.

Anger may be directed at:

• Life or fate

• God or a higher power

• Systems, institutions, or circumstances

• Even the person who has died

In real life

Thoughts may arise such as:

“This should not have happened.”

“Why now?”

Anger is grief giving voice to pain. It does not cancel love, gratitude, or faith.

What can help

• Physical movement such as walking or gentle stretching

• Naming anger without judging it

• Safe expression rather than suppression

  
  

3. Bargaining

What could I have done differently?

Bargaining pulls grief into the past.

You may replay:

• Conversations

• Decisions

• Missed signs

• Alternate outcomes

In real life

“If only I had noticed earlier.”

“If only I had said something different.”

This is the mind searching for control in a moment where none truly existed.

What can help

• Acknowledging helplessness with compassion

• Gently returning attention to the present moment

• Remembering that responsibility is not the same as love

4. Depression

How do I live with this pain?

This stage reflects grief fully felt.

You may:

• Feel heavy, tired, or withdrawn

• Lose interest in routine or pleasure

• Experience quiet emptiness or deep sadness

This is not weakness or pathology. It is love adjusting to absence.

In real life, Loss becomes undeniable:

• A chair left empty

• A voice missing from daily life

• A sense that the world itself feels altered

For many people, grief arrives without warning during ordinary moments, and no amount of understanding makes it disappear. This is where grief asks to be felt, not fixed.

What can help

• Rest

• Simple, gentle structure

• Being with people who do not rush your healing

5. Acceptance

How do I carry this forward?

Acceptance does not mean:

• Forgetting

• Being okay with the loss

• Moving on as if nothing changed

Acceptance means:

• Acknowledging what is true

• Allowing grief and life to coexist

• Finding a way to continue while remembering

In real life, you still miss them, but:

• Memories bring tenderness more than shock

• Their influence continues through you

• Love finds quieter, steadier forms

Grief does not end here.

It becomes integrated.

Living With Grief Without Rushing Healing

Grief is not something to overcome. It is something to learn how to live with.

• There is no correct timeline

• Functioning does not mean you are healed

• Strength does not mean absence of pain

Often, what helps most is permission:

• Permission to feel steady one day and undone the next

• Permission to speak their name

• Permission to let grief change you

A simple grounding practice:

Place one hand on your chest, one on your abdomen.

Breathe slowly for five breaths.

Say silently: This is grief. I am allowed to be here.

A Final Note

Loss reshapes life, whether it comes suddenly or slowly, early or late.

If you are grieving:

• You are not weak

• You are not broken

• You are not doing this wrong

Grief is not a problem to solve.

It is love, learning how to live in a new landscape.

And Love, even in loss, is never truly lost, because only Love is Real.

With Love

Ekta